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Cough

by sorrier

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1.
I don't miss the carpenter, But I sure do miss his house. Rubbing elbows with sinners Head bowed kneeling down. I miss the hymns, need the choir. I see the dark, need the fire. I prefer a different tongue, Because the stories have no use. But when the song is song, You forget the self abuse. I miss the hymns, need the choir. I see the dark, need the fire. I don't think they notice my shakes, The tattered state of my shoes. Hear the organ quake, To that somber kind of blues.
2.
Tonight I can't tell you who's doing the enabling. I'm so god damn tired, but sure, I'll play you to sleep. I've restocked the cabinet so we don't have to leave. You never really breakdown so this is such an odd thing to grieve. But honey you're the two birds, and you're gonna get stoned. There's nowhere to go but up but we can stay down. There's nowhere to go but up but we can stay down. There's nowhere to go but up but we can stay down. There's nowhere to go but up but we can stay down today. I convince you she was lucky to have you. You try convince me to let something break through. Sometimes nothing fits right except us two. Polish vodka tonight until we obscure the view. But honey you're the two birds, and you're gonna get stoned. There's nowhere to go but up but we can stay down. There's nowhere to go but up but we can stay down. There's nowhere to go but up but we can stay down. There's nowhere to go but up but we can stay down today. But honey you're the two birds, and you're gonna get stoned.
3.
Home's my two friends' couch when they thought they loved each other. Home's an all night bike ride when I'm pissing off my father. Home's that bar on Carleton, $2.50 for tequila. Home's that changing someone, I swear I can still feel you. The only thing that unifies these home's is not they're only in my mind, Now I'm homesick. Sometimes I feel homeless, My own home-wrecker. I guess I feel homesick. Home is frantically pacing through record store. Paycheque "wasting," but there are far worse things to score. Home is the smell of cheap rye and the bite of the cold, When you're shivering outside pretending to smoke, Because the dress code's a smile, party favour's a joke, So you skip the goodbye, vanish into the dark road. The only thing that unifies these home's is not they're only in my mind, Now I'm homesick. Sometimes I feel homeless, My own home-wrecker. I guess I feel homesick. Nostalgia! I swear that I've earned you. Nostalgia! I'm scared that I've spurned you. My transience just a habit, I'll try quit, take a stab at it. I swear I'll stay if I ever learn to.
4.
It's too cold for this coat, But I've condemned myself to roam. On exile from my home. They'd probably help but they can't know. Look's like I'm breaking edge this week, Because I don't drink coffee, And I need a place to read. So I kill time as time kills me. There's no change left in my pocket. Over seven times I've walked it. Not an altrusitic streak, My night just won't be as bleak. Act like my problem's visceral, Suddenly seems so trivial. Just killing time until she's asleep. Toss my last quarter, my penance, cheap. It's been a long week and I am King Idiot.
5.
Whoops 04:22
We'd been apart about a year. A pointless year we both agreed. And now it would be at least three, Potentially forever. I asked if she would ever Consider coming with me. Thoughtfully she replied yes, Then we never talked of it again. I still hold her as the gold standard. She insists I don't and swears I misremember. But that's an image I was careful not to taint. My reluctant regretful patron saint. Thanksgiving. We got a drink. To recollection, let ourselves sink. It's not regret, but it's on the brink. She's different now it wouldn't work. She shrugs it off, a sheepish smirk. But you'll never pull her out of my patchwork. I still hold her as the gold standard. She insists I don't and swears I misremember. But that's an image I was careful not to taint. My reluctant regretful patron saint.

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released March 28, 2018

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sorrier Winnipeg, Manitoba

Winnipeg/Edmonton based solo project of Zac Houston of Boys' Club

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