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sorrier

by sorrier

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1.
Loose 04:09
The longest lauds my memory, but she knows how it's haunting me; That's why I think that she had stopped waiting. The latest said she'd make it stop; She laid my neck down on the block, but she just gave me the most half assed chop. They seem to always get the better of me. When you live in a town long enough, then every time you ride the bus, becomes a tour of all that fucks you up. When her apartment's on the route you take, literally everyday, you constantly get to relive those aches. I've gotta get myself the hell out of this place. Gotta inject my life with some sort of pace. I see the winter's started weathering my face. I've gotta get myself the hell out of this place. Alex says she's sick so I walk her back to the hotel. Now i'm drunk walking downtown Toronto. Andy and I climb to the top and through another dizzy spell I am crushed by the humanity below. The absurdity of all those traffic jams, that keep important folks from their important plans. As they try grasp significance with their own hands. Convince themselves that without them the time just stands. On the good days you might feel a bit free. On the bad days you might be standing up here with me. It all goes on until it stops. First we get on then we get off. From way up here the bottom looks just like the top. My breath fills the window with fog, I feel my head nodding along, And i'm distracted as they play her favourite song. See we'll just latch our focus on to anything. To make all of this not seem so damn crushing. We want so bad for all of this to mean something. But from up here I see no harm in being nothing.
2.
How I love this country's midwest mountain* air, Cause we didn't have to drag the keg downstairs. But I couldn't focus on my friends who sang along, I'm too aware of the one who looked like she'd rather not be there. Hope you didn't hear what i just shared. Cause it's people like you, that remind people like me. Why couches are the only places where I should bother sleeping. A homesick vagrant and wandering vagabond. Put my guitar down so that she has some place to rest her head upon. When the basement finally cleared out, and the people finally left, I got the sense that she didn't like my set. But when we're alone I quickly learned all the songs that she'd request, until she finally seemed impressed. Didn't notice that the sun had risen. But to our liver's we both owe a debt. Cause it's people like you, that remind people like me. Why couches are the only places where I should bother sleeping. A homesick vagrant and wandering vagabond. Put my guitar down so that she has some place to rest her head upon. It's been nice having you round here, but I should've made that class. That bottle was my father's, gotta hide it cause he'll ask. I'm in desperate need of sleep now, seeking refuge in my bed. You're here another week now, so i'll take the couch instead. Cause it's people like you, that remind people like me. Why couches are the only places where I should bother sleeping. A homesick vagrant and wandering vagabond. Put my guitar down so that she has some place to rest her head upon. * I meant "autumn" but I sang "mountain" on the recording. I didn't notice until it was too late to fix.
3.
I, Idiot. 03:15
She folds origami Out of the coaster where I'd rest my beer. I can still see it On my bookshelf from where I lay here. She asks if it's my last one Cause I'm expressive when I've been drinking. And I'm still a secret, And she hates to hear what they've been thinking. Everybody looks just like her today. Or maybe she just looks like everybody. Maybe that's what truly drew me, Is her inherent familiarity. She'd always paint her nails in the colours I wanted. And she knew I loved when she used my full name. Not supposed to be together in the places we haunted. But we were happy there sharing the blame. Everybody looks just like her today. Or maybe she just looks like everybody. Maybe that's what truly drew me, Is her inherent familiarity. I just wanted her to make it stop. Can someone make sure she hears this please. Cause I know that she's not listening.
4.
I'm the embodiment of purgatory. I'm the pages torn out of a Choose Your Own Adventure® story. In my search party I'm hiding. Through the cracks forever sliding. Here's become so elusive. I'm scared to settle. Static's become abusive. Boy let's test that mettle. If I'm a leaf than you're the blower. Oh the grief! Time please go slower! You're the reef breaking my rudder. If you're the rain, I hope I'm the gutter. Here's become so elusive. I'm scared to settle. Static's become abusive. Boy let's test that mettle. Where am I?
5.
It remains the same sentiment. But I've read a few new books since then. So I'll employ some synonyms. But I'm no more articulate. Just one voice in my head. But it's way too loud. It's freaking me out. But I don't dare to drown it out. The absence it Terrifies me so. I'll just stick To the devil that I know. It remains the same sentiment. But I've read a few new books since then. So I'll employ some synonyms. But I'm no more articulate. To the absurd! Focus is slurred. Fight your failure now. To the abyss! Grin and bear it. Force your freedom now. The absence it Terrifies me so. I'll just stick To the devil that I know. It remains the same sentiment. But I've read a few new books since then. So I'll employ some synonyms. But I'm no more articulate. She said there was a beauty to my nihilism. I'm not sure why I still came to her with these things. I suppose it's just nice to feel understood, to feel free of judgment. But feeling misunderstood seems cliche, redundant, and childish. Everybody's screamed about this through adolescence. But all one really has is their perspective. And things don't seem to really function as smoothly as they should for you. Nothing really fits together as it's supposed to. When you look out at the world, you're missing what they're all seeing. At the same time, no one sees what you're talking about. You're obsessed with the absurd, you're consumed by the paradox, you're confused by the order. Despite your constant awareness of the trivial nature of human existence, You feel you have some control. You can regulate your emotions; You can limit your anger; You can temper your happiness. But that uncertainty remains beyond your grasp. This bend is terrifying, it's confusing, it's overwhelming. But it's also liberating. You don't get out of bed because you have to, Because you don't. You get out of bed because you want to. And that helps a lot. Because when you think about it, All anyone is really searching for is something that will assure them that everything is going to be okay. And when someone asks you if you believe that everything will work out, It's thrilling, it's freeing, and it's motivating to confidently reply, I don't know.

credits

released March 12, 2017

Zac Houston - Vocals/Guitar

Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Jordan Voth over a bottle of Crown Royal Canadian Rye Whiskey in January, 2017.

Cover photo taken by my friend Sarah and edited by Jordan Voth.

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sorrier Winnipeg, Manitoba

Winnipeg/Edmonton based solo project of Zac Houston of Boys' Club

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